29 September, 2011

On change, babies, life, and death

I have a lot rolling around in my exhausted, pregnant brain.  Nothing is long enough or coherent enough to necessitate it's own post, but I want to get it out of my head.

...today was my last day working "full time" or really, my two part-time jobs.  I am now just working at the church.  My plan is to take from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day as my maternity leave.

...for the first time in my life I really feel content with my work, family, who I am, what I do/do not, and where I am headed.  I feel ready to handle what's brought my way, and not be stressed.

...Eric and I sat and made a two page to-do/goals shared Google Doc (yes, we're those people - but surprise! it's actually not color coded) of things for me to get done in my new found spare time both for the baby and because we know it won't get done when the baby comes. Things like cleaning out my shoes, tights, belts, purses, etc

...I have been reading a lot about stay-at-home Mom time management. Knowing my procrastinating personality type, and my hatred of taking showers, I decided to read up on all sorts of techniques to keep house, keep myself, keep a baby, and keep sane....without too much day time TV. I want to schedule work outs, get back to meal planning, and start exploring some creative outlets all while being even more diligent about our budget.

...we're finally debt free (and I'm only working part-time now), but we haven't sat down to re-do our budget, plan our investing, or how we are going to save for a house.  It's been nice to enjoy a month without really thinking about money, but we can't let it get away. We're done with paying for the past, and now it's time to plan for the future.

...I am looking forward to all these changes and goals AND a baby.  I feel like I am in a good place in my life, finally content in my vocation and work situation, and ready to embrace changes without feeling overwhelmed.

...FYI:  I switched back to Tide, Downy, Clorox Cleaners, etc from all-natural/home made ones.  The name brand ones cost an arm and a leg compared to making our own...but they work SO. MUCH. BETTER.  I cut my cleaning frequency in half because the cleaners keep things clean longer and my towels don't smell like mildew.  The environment hates me right now.  Sadly, I don't feel that guilty.  I will try natural products again when we have an apartment/house that is better ventilated and we can line dry things outside in the sun.

...every day my heart bursts with excitement for meeting our baby girl. Every day I grow even more in love with her.  I didn't know I could love someone I've never met so much.

...my love for Eric grows each day, too.  I appreciate him even more, and just cannot wait to be parents together.  I hear that the day your first born is born is a day that changes your marriage for the better just as much, if not more, than your wedding day.  I am ready for this "change" and cannot even imagine the amount of joy and love that is yet to come.

...at the same time I am so preoccupied with love for a new life, my father's brother is slowly passing away.  We received the news this week that his persistant cough is not just a cough but in fact lung cancer.  When they did the biopsy this week the doctors discovered the cancer has spread through his whole body and doubt any treatments will work.

...I am so sad to see him suffer, and to have my Dad lose a sibling at such a young age.  But there is a peace that came over me today when my Dad told me that my uncle went to Confession today for the first time in 20-30 years and has begun making amends with family.  It's such a gift from God that he's been granted this time to prepare his soul.  Not everyone gets that opportunity.

...I am incredibly blessed / spoiled / lucky and I take it for granted. I am working towards a life of sincere gratitude for the opportunities, gifts, situations, people, etc in my life.

What's on your mind these days???


4 comments:

  1. I know I'm way behind the ball on this, but I just found your blog!  You can try Method brand cleaners (available at Target and some other stores now) that are good for the environment and work well.  They are still as expensive but at least you'll cut out the green guilt.

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  2. Elizabeth...this is so weird!  My dad's brother had a stroke last week and they discovered he has cancer throughout his whole body and he has decided against treatment because nothing will make anything better....that is such a coincedence...a sad one.  And he too has been in lots of conversation with a priest and received Eucharist for the first time in a very, very long time!  Crazy!  Will be praying for your dad. your uncle and your family!

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  3. Becoming a SAHM is definitely an adjustment!! I had such a difficult time when Ellie was born.  I went from working full time to being home full time and I thought I was going to lose my mind (the post partum hormones didn't help one bit!!)  It was sooo hard for me and took a long time (and some anti-depressants) before I figured it out.  A few things I have learned - find a hobby - something besides cleaning and caring for the baby- those get tiring fast and you'll be grateful for something to do that won't be undone in 24 hours.  Guess why I took up quilting?  Also, don't stress about the cleaning.  Even now, I try to clean one thing a day and if I can get that done, I feel great.  Any more is a bonus.  Some days the only thing I do is make my bed and that's ok.  The cleaning's not going anywhere!! If you stress yourself out too much with trying to keep things a certain way, you'll go crazy.  Babies are unpredictable and they will determine the schedule.  Be flexible and you won't spend all day beating yourself up for not following the plan.  Try to shower every day.  Makeup is optional.  If you baby is a spitter like mine have been, tee shirts all day are fine.  But shower.  And it's ok if she cries while you are in the shower.  She'll live.  Remember that you can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself.  And nap when the baby naps.  I almost never took naps when Ellie was a baby and now I want to punch that Lisa in the face.  Because when you have #2, napping during the day is not an option.  So enjoy it while you can!! Call me anytime - we'd love to "play" with you and baby girl!! And holding your baby for the first time (no matter what number) is the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful experience!!!!

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  4. Lois Gerilynne MruzJanuary 24, 2013 at 4:52 PM

    She said it:   Remember that you can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself. I learned that, but learned it slowly. And yes, I showered and sat on the john while baby was crying, but you have to get yourself ready to care for baby. I actually was ABOUT to start writing down the stuff that floats in my head too! So great to see you have. Having a baby was just as life changing as wedding day but you are right, the love increases that much more and within the first few months, you feel like you've been married a long time (when it really has only been 14mons, at least that was us)

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