The Buerglers

It's hard to believe that in just two weeks it will be a full year since I said goodbye to my career and transitioned to full-time mom mode.  This decision had been weighing on my heart for some time, but I did not have the guts to say "yes" to the desires the Lord had been placing on my heart our of fear of the unknown. During my discernment phase I wanted to "know" more about being a stay-at-home-mom, so I asked several SAHM friends what they like about their "job" and what they don't like; what they do day-to-day with the children; what they do for their own sanity; etc.  The discussions were enlightening and gave me several talking points with my husband and my spiritual director on how I would prepare for some of the hurdles and roadblocks in making this transition. In no way shape or form do I think I have all the answers, but after my conversations with other moms and from this year's experience, I'd love to pass on a little advi...

After much discernment we chose to move Evie to a new preschool.  She was now eligible for the preschool at our parish, which was just a block away from her previous preschool. Evie had been placed in the 2 year old class last year due to low enrollment.  If she stayed at her school or switched to our parish preschool she would have to repeat the 2 year old class with students who had never been to school before.  While our parish preschool is absolutely incredible, the 25 minutes commute + price tag didn't sit well with us.  And while her previous preschool was great, Evie was ready for a bigger school and more challenging environment.  I started looking at a few programs closer to our house.  We applied to the neighboring Catholic parish preschool but once again we were wait listed.  I looked at the two Methodist preschools near our house, but they were HUGE! So a friend suggested the Episcopalian preschool where she sends her kids. ...

Once I hit the third trimester but especially when Maggie was first born I turned to Ye Olde TV to babysit and entertain Evie.  But lately we've noticed the days she watches a lot of TV are the days she is the most defiant.  Certainly there is a time and place for television, but Eric and I knew now that we're a bit more adjusted to life with Maggie it was time to cut back on singing animals and normally inanimate objects. Evie's preschool learned about the Earth, Water, Space, Beaches the last month of school.  The teachers made "Cloud Sand" as a sensory learning activity.  The kids LOVED it.  In fact they made it each week for a month. On the last day of school the teachers gave us the recipe for this beach in a box.  You mix 8 cups of flour to 1 cup of baby oil.  It makes a sand-like texture that's moldable.  Noted.  I  stocked up on supplies, ready for a rainy day. One of the afternoons after VBS I was totally and comp...

This post has been in the queue since before Maggie was born but I did not have the emotional energy to finish it.  It's now been four months since my discernment to leave ministry to become a full-time mother. Ever since late high school I knew I wanted to work in Religious Education of some sort. I didn't know if that meant in the classroom of a Catholic school or in youth ministry, or what.  After a few years of college education in Religious Studies - focus on catechetics - and a lot of hands on ministry work, I discerned that youth ministry was the starting point for me. I was hired at the second parish I interviewed, my parent's home parish.  I was a part-time high school youth minister and I nannied for two families, and eventually went full time youth ministry while still nannying for one family. A few years later I moved into a different role that was two different hats and two different age groups:  Middle school youth ministry and 10th grade Confir...

Back in February I wrote about my rational and irrational fears of having a repeat end of pregnancy, labor and delivery, and recovery experience. I wanted to revisit and follow up with how I did and how I am doing. 1. Preeclampsia  Concern: Having preeclampsia again. Outcome: While I did not have full blown preeclampsia I did end up with pregnancy induced hypertension.  I had to have urine tests and be monitored every 3 days for about 2.5 weeks.  At my 38/39 week check up the midwife said it was time to get the baby out.  I was induced again but had a much better experience. 2. Labor & Delivery  Concern: Since Evie was induced, I feared spontaneous labor and making it to the hospital on time.  Also, I was knocked out on Ambien while I delivered Evie, so I feared the pain of being alert and coherent for the birth this time.  Would I be able to do it completely unmedicated? Outcome:   Maggie was induced j ust like Evie . I was ...

It's been a little over two weeks since we lost our baby . Time flies. Yet, it stands still. Mother's Day hit me like a ton of bricks. See, we lost the baby and four days later went on a four day vacation to New York City.  I returned and spent a day baking for a work baby shower. Had the baby shower. Spent two days baking for another baby shower. Had the baby shower. Sunday, Mother's Day, I woke up in a foul mood. I am 75% sure it was all the wheat and sugar I consumed over the last ten days. And 25% sure it was the grief finally hitting me.  The combination put me in a pissy mood that I could not shake. I ached and ached on the night of the loss, and the morning after at the emergency room, but I quickly jumped back in the game of life and didn't take a moment to look back. Mother's Day was a challenge. I was overwhelmingly sad for all women who have lost a child, cannot conceive or who have had repeated miscarriages. I was angry that I'd s...

It's been about six weeks since I seriously blogged. I am okay with it. I needed a break. I needed to spend time laying on the floor playing with my baby. I needed to spend time NOT reading other people's blogs and comparing myself to them. I needed to spend time building a website for our youth group. I needed to spend time preparing myself for the up coming Confirmation season. I needed to spend time supporting my husband through a systematic company staff reduction (aka he's getting laid off in November). I've also been taking care of me.  Setting a bed time and sticking to it. Sneaking in bits of cardio here and there.  Being more intentional in what and how much I eat.  Not taking naps.  Not spending the whole day surfing the internet, but reading books. I've been battling a bit of "back to Confirmation" anxiety.  Sleepless nights.  Heart palpitations. Happens every year as I get the year rolling.  New parents. New kids.  New drama...

It's been four months since I've had Evie. One hundred and thirty two days, to be exact. I remember those first few days and weeks to seem never ending.  There was no separation of day or night, just two to three hour cycles of eating and sleeping. I learned the importance of making meals for families during these critical times, and we even had an easy situation.  I thank God for the generosity of family, friends and parishioners for the great meals. After the new-baby scent wore off, and the winter holiday decorations were put away, (What? Why did I even decorate?) our life has settled into a bit of a routine but not without a series of changes from our *old* life.  Or as many people call it "B.C." or Before Children.  Here's a little up date of what life looks like these days... A total blur :) Mental and emotional state -  I am finally feeling more attached to Evie.  It's taken a while for it to sink in that she's mine.  Forever a...

My personality is one that has both a love and hate relationship with a change of plans.  Typically if it works in my favor, I am fine with it, maybe even a little excited. Calling last minute to cancel an across town meeting on a cold, rainy night? I will probably want to hug you as my PJs and I were lusting for a night of hot chocolate and Netflix. However, if you Fail me? Disappoint me? Let me down? forget it.  You're now on my shit-list. You're my husband who says he'll be home at a certain time and then doesn't call, doesn't answer his phone, but later returns three hours late with that dumb look on his face of "what? you needed me?" will result in a long fight and lots of tears. My expectations and "plans" for motherhood have left me in a similar place. When I had to go on  bedrest  and was told there would be a good chance I'd have to be induced.  I cried right there on the spot. That didn't work with my unmedicated, wa...