The Buerglers

33 weeks 30 weeks  25 weeks  23 weeks 22 weeks How far along? 33 weeks How big is baby?   According to The Bump,  He weighs about 4.2 to 5.8 pounds and measures about 17.2 to 18.7 inches. And he may grow up to a full inch this week -- amazing. Total weight gain?  33 lbs (Maggie - 26lbs, Evie - 40lbs) Maternity clothes? Oh yes. I am rotating between 2-3 pairs of shorts and a few sundresses. I bought a pair of bright red ankle pants and 2 dressy tops for "going out".  As much as I love dresses I just can't sit modestly in a short dress these days.  Stretch marks? Not a single new one this pregnancy! Belly button? the top part of the circle sticks out, that's it. Exercise?  I was going to Pure Barre 2-3x a week until about 3 weeks ago. They changed the schedule and it just didn't work for us right now so I put my membership on hold until September. I had been walking during the week too, but it's...

This summer started with a blur. Another bout of depression and anxiety hit my like a fright train.  The hardest part of the illness is that people who have never experienced it think you can "snap out of it" or "just stop worrying" - but it's more powerful than a bad day or being nervous. It's all consuming and debilitating and there is NOTHING that will make it better. Now that I have been through this three times, I know that there is a trifecta of things that trigger it for me: significant hormone change like post partum or post weaning  significant life changes like in my career or family Eric being gone and/or emotionally unavailable due to travel or work This summer I stopped nursing Maggie, Eric was stuck working looooong hours at work, the overwhelmingness of summer was upon me, and I was finally grieving the loss of my job (yes, even though *I* quit it an entire year before).  Eric and I had also made the decision not to open a small bus...

I thought I had escaped it. But a few weeks ago I started having migraines.  And then my heart would start racing.  And sometimes I'd burst into tears for no reason.  Then the deep breathing came.  And in less than a week I was having full blown panic attacks...like pull over on the side of the road and puke panic attacks.  I had even caught myself in a moment of nearly committing self harm. It was back. And it hit like a freight train. Postpartum depression and anxiety is no joke.  I had more of the depression side after I had Evie. I couldn't get out of bed. I cried all the time. I didn't want to leave the house.  I had a few panicky moments, but nothing too scary.  A friend stepped in and told me I was having more than just the Baby Blues, but probably postpartum depression.  I saw my midwife and she put me on medication. I did everything I knew to do after having Maggie to avoid having the depression return.  I made sure to g...

Some of you  know that after I had Evie I had terrible post partum depression and anxiety.  I took my medicine for the prescribed 5 months and took the sixth month to ween off of it.  As anyone who truly has depression will tell you, the medicine just helps you get back to life, not be euphoric or on a high all the time.  It certainly did it's job.  I was back to exercising, enjoying work, out and about, and focused on getting things done around the house.  I had even stopped having the horrible nightmares about epic  tragedies. The weening process was rough, and I did it the same time I stopped pumping.  I am still not sure why I did that at the same time. Talk about a horrible chemical / hormonal mess.  It was.  There were some days I was so dizzy I couldn't get out of bed. Anyway, that was three months ago.  Things were fine, or so I thought.   All of the sudden I got on the scale and I had gained about 8 pounds. ...