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20 March, 2012

On The State of Me: My Life Four Month Post-Partum {MM 8}

It's been four months since I've had Evie. One hundred and thirty two days, to be exact.

I remember those first few days and weeks to seem never ending.  There was no separation of day or night, just two to three hour cycles of eating and sleeping.

I learned the importance of making meals for families during these critical times, and we even had an easy situation.  I thank God for the generosity of family, friends and parishioners for the great meals.

After the new-baby scent wore off, and the winter holiday decorations were put away, (What? Why did I even decorate?) our life has settled into a bit of a routine but not without a series of changes from our *old* life.  Or as many people call it "B.C." or Before Children.  Here's a little up date of what life looks like these days...

A total blur :)

Mental and emotional state - 

I am finally feeling more attached to Evie.  It's taken a while for it to sink in that she's mine.  Forever and Always.

I have struggled with Post-Partum Depression and Anxiety.  It took the help of a good friend to recognize that what I was going through wasn't normal and I needed help.  My midwife and I talked about a lot of options and I decided on a prescription that's safe for breastfeeding.

I am ready for the day I can ween from the medication, but I am just not there yet.  I haven't woken up with panic attacks in the middle of the night lately, nor have I sobbed in the closet or under the covers in a while, but there are still small things that aren't quite back to normal.  My husband, family, and pastor/boss (he has a counseling background) have been incredible instruments in my recovery.

I know that eating better, getting sleep, and exercise have also been key.

Food, drink, exercise -

After 2+ months of prepared meals, eating out, or take out, we are finally back to cooking most nights.  I plan meals and Eric grocery shops.  Eating lots of whole foods is great for my mind, body and soul.

My relationship with food has changed tremendously over the course of the pregnancy and now post-partum recovery.  I will probably write more on this.....eventually.

Now that the weather was is nice, Evie and I have been hitting the walking trails during the day.  Sometimes we wait for Eric and go at night.  My goal is to get at least a 30-40 minute walk in at least 3 times a week.

I have cut almost all drinks except water and milk out of my diet.  Honestly, I don't miss them.  I have coffee probably once a week, an iced tea once a week, and maybe a beer a week.  No sodas and low caffeine & alcohol have reduced my headaches tremendously!

My body -

I have about 4-6 stubborn pounds of baby weight left to lose.  I feel like it's taking forever to come off, but most women are telling me it's a miracle that I've lost 40 pounds in 4 months.  I have another 15-20 to lose after this because I REALLY don't want to start another pregnancy so heavy.

My stretch marks are slowly fading.  The lighter ones on my thighs and hips are almost white already (yay!) but the really deep ones on my belly are still red and angry looking (boo!)

Speaking of my belly, seriously, how long does it take for that extra skin flab to go away? Walks, yoga, crunches, planks, and my belly still jiggles and sags.  Blerg.

Our marriage -

The first few weeks, even months, every conversation revolved around Evie, diapers, and whose shift it was to sleep.  I am SO thankful those days are behind us.

This Lent we've been praying the daily readings and discussing them together a few days a week.  It's not anything we're beating ourselves up over, but it's been such a blessing when we get around to it.

We've had a few date nights and great conversations in the last six weeks.  I am so in love with Eric and glad to have him by my side.

Most days we wonder what we did with our life before Evie.  Nothing compares.

Work -

"Your blood pressure is the best it's been in a decade" - my dental hygienist (yes, my dentist office monitors our blood pressure).  That would be because I am no longer herding 300 cats, 40-60 hours a week.  And by cats I mean junior high kids, 10th graders, and all their parents.

Working part time and in just one ministry (I am the Confirmation coordinator at a Catholic Church) has been the best gift to my over all well being.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE ministry and my job, but in order for me to stay in love with it, going part-time was the right decision.

My boss/pastor has also allowed me to work from home as needed.  I utilize nap time, nights, and weekends to work on correspondence, our website, and planning.  I attend a few staff meetings and events a month, and bring Evie with me.  I cannot tell you how grateful I am for my co-workers patience and understanding.

I do have to admit though, it's been hard to "let go" of working full time and having my hand in so many little things in our parish's livelihood.  I miss social interactions and brain storming with my co-workers.  And I miss them seeking out my advice.

Being a Mom -

Honestly, y'all, everyone is right...being a parent is the BEST thing in the world.  Baby smiles and snuggles make every day the best day since yesterday.  Sure poopy diapers aren't fun, but the belly laughs after more than make up for it.

It's absolutely amazing looking at this tiny little person, who just a year ago was a little gummy bear on a sonogram.  To watch her grow via the ultrasound, deliver her, and now watch her grow out in the world: there are no words to describe.

We constantly look at her and say, "We made her, can you believe it?"

The Apartment / Financial -

We just signed another one year contract on our place. We had a few small financial bumps in the road this year, and also decided to dump some liquid cash into catching up on retirement savings.  This means we didn't get to put as much into savings for a house as we'd like.  We'll get there, it just might be another year later than we hoped.

Because we'll be here another year, maybe two or three, we decided a major clean out and rearrange was in order.  You can follow along the process here.

That got a lot longer than I was anticipating.... Thanks for reading this far!  And I'm doing a belated link up for Miscellany Monday...

Miscellany Monday @ lowercase letters


  1. i can relate to many of these same things. it's wonderful when emotions and hormones settle and your new family feels normal. it's a process, one that i think is hard but also good, because i never relied on Grace so much!

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